The Secret to my Success, I hope.
March 10, 2005 @ 12:10 PMFor a brief period in time (VERY brief) I kept a blog going under an assumed identity. It sucked, and it’s location and identity shall remain unknown, but as I started writing a blog entry today I realized that I was essentially re-writing something that I had already written in the other blog. While I was disappointed that a year later I was still feeling the same feelings, I have decided to simply repost what I wrote the first time:
There are many things in life that I intend on accomplishing. Primarily having to do with the work and financial aspects of my life. And I deeply fear the possibility that I will never accomplish them.See, I want to be successful. Call me materialistic… but I do. And I don’t mean to be a millionaire, though I wouldn’t object. But I want to be able to drive a fine car (Black BMW 325, please), live in an upper-class condo in the city, eat at the fine dining establishments around the city… buy some toys, and have the time to enjoy them. That’s my vision of success for my life, and I want it BAD. I don’t demand a horde of cash to live of off the rest of my life. I’m not looking for the lotto jackpot here, but I want to have my fingers in enough different pies that I can enjoy the life I just described without much worry. Now, I KNOW these desires are materialistic. I know they’re shallow. I don’t pretend that there’s no element of greed involved, of COURSE there is. But it’s just the way I’ve been. And it’s just what I’ve always wanted.
The downside to all of this is I simply have not considered the possibility of never reaching these goals. I’ve always known they will come to pass, it’s just a matter of time. Only recently have I realized that’s not necessarily the case. And I have never prepared myself for the possibility that I may never acheive that success.
See, there are some people who can accomplish ANYTHING they want. They just DO it. I know some of these people. But I am NOT one of them. I am, however, in the level just below that. I have the intellectual capability and skill level to work and fight my way up to a very comfortable living if I wanted. Accomplishing the successful life I want would take combining the life I CAN create, and mixing in “factor X”.. be it luck, a fortunate event, good timing, etc. What scares me is just that… in order to get what I want, it will require some element of luck. I’m not the kind of person that can create a situation in which I can succeed. I AM the kind of person that can plan and scheme and see a situation coming, and jump on it when it shows up. I’ve done this before. That’s how I got myself out of debt. That’s how I’d have to become financially successful in the future.
But, I am inherently dependent on a situation presenting itself – if ever so subtly. And I fear that the right situations needed to accomplish the successes in life I desire might never present itself…
... and that scares the hell out of me.